The Adventures of Kaygreg House
by housefangirl-omglolz
Summary: PARODY: Do you remember KayLee and Gregg House? Well now their spawn Kaygreg has her own story! Check it out if you know what I'm talking about.
1. Introductions and Kittens

The (very short) Adventures of Kaygreg House

A series of connected ficlets starring Kaygreg House

Disclaimer: I don't own House MD (or Kaygreg House… thank goodness)

To those who know where the inspiration for this came from I salute you! (And am oh-so-sorry)

For those who don't… consider yourself lucky (and this probably won't make any sense what-so-ever)

1. Introductions and Kittens

* * *

Meet Kaygreg House.

Kaygreg is a beautiful, tall diagnostician with sapphire green eyes who was named for her dear sweet Mammy (KayLee) and Pappy (Gregg). She works at Princton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in New Jersey with her three fellows Melodee Cameron, Dayveed Chase and Pippa Foreman, whom she likes to collectively call 'The Kittens'.

When Kaygreg first hired Melodee, Dayveed and Pippa she thought it quite a coincidence that they were all descendents of the fellows that worked for her Grandpappy, but she eventually shrugged it off as one of life's many **mst**eries.

Now that we are acquainted with Kaygreg House she may just let us view a little bit of her daily routine.

On this particular morning Kaygreg climbs out of her car and skips into the hospital humming her favourite song 'Strawberry Kisses' and thinking of the great time she had last night dancing sambas with her Grandpappy. When she reaches the elevator she is surprised to find Melodee Cameron standing there, crying.

"Why are you crying Melodee?" Kaygreg asks sweetly (using Melodee's first name because she is an awful lot more polite than her Grandpappy). Melodee turns to face her and answers.

"I'm moving to a new apartment tomorrow but the mean man who owns the building says that I can't take my kittens there. I don't know what to do!" Melodee says before grasping hold of Kaygreg's shoulders and continuing to cry.

"There, there." Kaygreg says whilst patting Melodee's head, trying to comfort her. It makes her feel very upset that Melodee that Melodee is crying because she really likes her (but not in that way) and having to give away your pets is a very hard thing to do. Suddenly Kaygreg has a brilliant idea.

"Why don't _I_ look after Fluffykins and Princess?" Kaygreg asks "I have plenty of room in my house and this way you can come and see them whenever you want!"

Hearing this Melodee instantly cheers up and steps back from Kaygreg.

"Really?" She asks whilst wiping her eyes.

"Of course!" Kaygreg says as they both step into the elevator.

* * *

OK, did I fry anyone's brain?

If you have any idea what I'm referring to with this please review, because if you do I might write another chapter (or not, depending on whether you like it or not)

Oh yeah, and if anyone can think of a song more nauseating than 'Strawberry Kisses' I'll change it!

Well, that's all for now!


	2. Doctor Stuff and Knowledge

A new chapter to celebrate the fact that I got reviews!

Disclaimer: I don't own House MD and if anyone wants ownership of my original (yeah right) characters you can have them (not that anyone would want to).

2. Doctor Stuff and Knowledge

* * *

When we last left Kaygreg House she was in an elevator with Melodee on her way to Diagnostics. Why don't we rejoin them in the Diagnostics conference room? 

"Good morning Kaygreg, good morning Melodee." Dayveed Chase calls cheerfully when he sees them enter the room.

Kaygreg nods to acknowledge him. "Good morning my Kittens," she says "what are we up to today?"

Pippa Foreman looks up from the patient files she is reading and responds "We have some serious doctor stuff to do today," she says with quite a serious scowl on her face "the hospital just received two new patients with **mst**erious illnesses that only someone with your ability could possibly figure out."

Kaygreg walks over to Pippa and scans the contents of the patient files. "I think that the doctor stuff could possibly wait for another day." She says to Pippa "Besides, it looks like cancer so you can just use your black to steal it."

At that joke everyone laughs out loud. Kaygreg is such a fun loving boss and always has a joke up her sleeve. Kaygreg and the other two Kittens take their respective seats at the long glass table and Dayveed starts to talk.

"Kaygreg, now that we have some time before we start our daily doctor stuff what are we going to do?" he asks

Kaygreg thinks for a second and is suddenly stumped by a confusing thought. "Dayveed, I was just thinking… last night my Pappy was talking about when he ran the department and he said that your Father and Melodee's Mother were engaged. Why didn't they get married?"

Melodee and Dayveed look at each other and Melodee motions that Dayveed can explain.

"Well Kaygreg, you see our parents _were_ going to get married but one day before the marriage my father was reading his bible and realised that he had been very bad and couldn't possibly get married to Melodee's Mother." Dayveed says.

Kaygreg looks from Melodee and Dayveed "What do you mean?" she asks

"My father remembered that he had been very sinful and acquired knowledge of his fiancée before their wedding."

"How terrible!" Kaygreg exclaims

"It is," continues Dayveed "so anyway my father repented to the Lord our Saviour and told Melodee's Mother that he called off the wedding. A while after his sins had been forgiven he met my Mother and married her because she was a kind and pure soul."

After Dayveed finished his story he smiled at Kaygreg and then turned to ask a question of Melodee.

"Now that we are on the subject of parents I just realised that you have your Mother's maiden name. Why is that?" Dayveed asks

"After your father told my Mother of their sin she realised that she was indeed sinful. She decided that the only way that she could go on living was to take Jesus Christ into her heart and become a new woman. After she did this she tried to think of the most loving, Christian thin that she could do to hank the Lord and that's how she adopted me." Melodee cheerfully says.

Kaygreg is satisfied with what she hears and walks over to Melodee and Dayveed to pat them on the back.

"I'm glad that's sorted out," he exclaims "time to do some doctor stuff!"

* * *

Well then, in one chapter I managed to include doctor stuff, cancer stealing blackness and "knowledge". Yay me! 

Fortunately I am not in possession of the special kind of evil it takes to create a fanfic anything like the original so this story should hopefully remain (barely) readable.

Oh yeah, speaking of the original (_shudders)_ I've devised a plot for this story that centres around the most important issue of today's society… EVIL MAN PARTS!

So if you want me to continue this abomination keep the reviews coming!


	3. Consider Your Cancer Stolen

Well, you asked for it…

Disclaimer: I don't own House MD or any characters from the original KayLee fic. BTW I'm serious about last chapter's offer of character ownership; please take Melodee, Dayveed and Pippa away from me (I'll give you cookies)!

3. Consider Your Cancer Stolen

* * *

When we last left Kaygreg House she was just about to start performing some doctor stuff alongside her Kittens. I _would_ rejoin them in the patient's room, or the lab, but studies have proven that 96.314159 of readers don't even care about the medicine; they just want to read about steaming hot House/Wilson sex. I'm sorry to say that there won't be any of that in this story (damn you KayLee), so why don't we rejoin Kaygreg at the end of her terribly busy day instead?

It is late and Kaygreg and the Kittens are all sitting around the glass Diagnostics table, exhausted from the terribly hard doctor stuff they were doing all day.

"Thank goodness we were able to cure those two patients before they were able to infect anyone else!" Kaygreg exclaims as she hops up to erase symptoms off the whiteboard behind her.

"Yeah," Pippa agrees "it was amazing that you were able to figure out that the patients' rashes were caused by an infection of a contagious cancer virus just by looking at them!"

Kaygreg blushes at the praise and answers back modestly. "Well, I wouldn't have been able to cure them if the rashes hadn't come up so quickly. If they hadn't had come up so fast we might have all caught cancer!"

Suddenly there is a load knocking at the door and Kaygreg turns around to see Eric Foreman, Pippa's Father and head of Oncology, standing on the other side of the glass.

"Daddy!" Pippa exclaims, bouncing over to the door to let him in. Once Foreman is inside the Diagnostics Conference room he grasps Pippa in a large hug and she looks up at him with a confused look on her face.

"But Daddy, why are you still here so late? I thought that you went home hours ago." Pippa says, staring up at her father."

Foreman lets out a small laugh but you can see in his eyes that he is anything but happy. "I'm here late because I thought that I would pack up my office now instead of coming back tomorrow." He says with a faux smile on his face.

"Why are you packing up your office?" Pippa asks

"Well you see Pippa," Foreman starts "this morning I met a new doctor that was coming into Oncology from the Nephrology department at Princeton General. His name is Thomas Webber and he is a very bright young man. Now, while we were doing some doctor stuff I realised that he knew just as much about cancer as I do, if not more, and as he is a respectable white man with no criminal record I felt indebted to offer him my place as head of Oncology."

Foreman looks into Pippa's eyes to see what her reaction will be and is just a little disheartened to see that she looks completely comfortable with what he had just said.

"What a lovely thing to do, giving your position away to someone more fitting!" Pippa says whilst giving her Father a pat on the back. "Have you informed Doctor Forrester yet? (Doctor Forrester took on the position of PPTH's Dean of Medicine when Doctor Lisa Foreman quit her doctor job exactly after her marriage to Eric Foreman in order to stay home with baby Pippa like every decent mother does) I'm sure that he would want to hear about this."

"Yes, I have. He seemed very happy to give me a position within the paediatrics department, he said that they have been understaffed now for quite some time." Foreman says with a weak smile.

"Well congratulations!" Kaygreg wholeheartedly "I wish you all the best in paediatrics."

"Thankyou very much Kaygreg," Foreman says, a little happier than before "now I believe it is time that I got home to bed."

Glancing down at her watch Kaygreg lets out a laugh. "So it is Foreman, so it is."

* * *

OK then, how did this chapter go? Poor Foreman, if only he could keep his job in Oncology. But alas, the world is so unfair to black neurologists with a juvenile record.

Believe it or not I've contacted KayLee and 'Gregg' and they have agreed to guest star in the next chapter.

So… if you want to find out how KayLee and 'Gregg' are holding up in marital bliss please send me a review upon reading this (I swear, it doesn't take long) and keep your eyes peeled more the next instalment of _The Adventures of Kaygreg House_.


	4. Home is Where Their Hearts Are

Wow, I'm sorry about the wait everyone! I kind of got caught up in real life and haven't had time to update. Anyway… I'm back now and so are two old "friends"…

KayLee and Gregg!!!

Enjoy (or not)

4. Home Is Where Their Hearts (and other vital organs) Are

* * *

Since our last look into Kaygreg's amazing life back in December all she has done is drive home (must have been a very long drive) so we really haven't missed much. At the moment Kaygreg is standing outside her front door about to go inside, would you like to see what a typical night is like for our wonderful Kaygreg? No? Too bad!

The time is exactly 6:08 as Kaygreg fiddles with her Hello Kitty key ring in order to find her front door key (in order to open her front door and get inside, duh). When she does find it she uses it to unlock her front door (told you) and then puts it back inside her hot pink workbag. Upon opening her door and stepping inside Kaygreg is amazed to find her Mammy, KayLee, standing at the hall mirror fixing her hair.

"Mammy, why aren't you in the kitchen cooking dinner like you're supposed to?" exclaims Kaygreg in a very confused manner. KayLee finishes up with her hair and then turns to face her daughter.

"Why Kaygreg, I thought you knew." She chuckles

"Knew what?" asks Kaygreg, thoroughly confused as her Mammy usually isn't one to speak in riddles.

KayLee takes the hands of her daughter and then answers. "My brilliant, loving husband gave me the night off cooking because of how thoughtful he is so instead I have been spending the night making myself beautiful so that Gregg can have knowledge of me tonight."

Letting go of her Mammy's hands Kaygreg lets out a shudder. "Yuck Mammy, gross! Why did you have to tell me that?" she cries

"Why princess, having knowledge of your spouse isn't yucky, it's a very beautiful thing." KayLee says "Besides, you're a doctor so you shouldn't be grossed out be words like 'knowledge'"

"I know…" Kaygreg says looking up at her Mammy with a big I-love-you smile "anyway, what are we having for dinner then?" she asks

"Chinese!" a loud voice calls out from deeper within the house. Kaygreg passes her workbag to KayLee and then runs to the source of the voice.

"Pappy!" she yells out whilst jumping into Gregg's arms.

"Hello my sweet angel, how are you today?" Gregg asks Kaygreg, hugging her like the brilliant, caring father that he is.

"I'm great Pappy," she answers "today I was able to use the gifts that God gave me in order to save the lives of two people.

"Well done darling, I'm glad to see that you have become a brilliant lifesaver." Gregg says, beaming with pride "I'm also very happy that you continue to live with your Mammy and I like all good single children should and haven't run off to buy your own house like one of your brothers and your two sisters. At least Caden got married before _he_ moved out."

"Oh Pappy, you always say that." Kaygreg laughs.

While Kaygreg is still laughing KayLee walks in and motions for her to step into the kitchen. Kaygreg then realises that she hasn't set the table for dinner yet and nods at her Mammy before going to collect the plates and cutlery.

After Kaygreg sets the table she goes back to where her parents are to see them dancing to a song on the radio. _How romantic_ she thinks while silently watching them _I hope that when I marry it is to someone that loves me as much as Pappy and Mammy love each other_. As the music ends there is a knock at the door so Kaygreg grabs some money and goes to answer it, hoping that it is the Chinese delivery man.

Opening the door Kaygreg is surprised to see her twin sister Alexandria standing there holding too Chinese food bags.

"What are you doing holding our dinner?" Kaygreg asks

"I'm delivering it, what do you think?" Alexandria says sarcastically

"But-"

"But what?" she then rudely cuts in

"Alexandria, you're not even Asian, how can you be working for a Chinese food restaurant?" Kaygreg asks her sister, looking at her disapprovingly

"Well we can't all be perfect like you. Are you going to take your food or not?" Alexandria says, starting to cry a little

"It's alright," Kaygreg says, hugging her sister "I know that you have done wrong but you can still ask for the forgiveness of God. Why don't you come inside and have dinner with us? Mammy and Pappy might be able to help you."

Alexandria looks up at Kaygreg and smiles. "Maybe I should talk to them, I'm sick of leading a sinful life." She says, taking the hand of her sister and stepping inside.

As Kaygreg reunites her twin sister with her Mammy and Pappy her heart fills with joy at the thought of a life so close to her own being saved.

* * *

Aww, how sweet and fluffy!

I hope that was ok for my return back to the land of Kaygreg. Anyway, now that Kaygreg has saved her sister she is free to have something complicate her own life (ooh, I wonder what it is).

See you next time!


End file.
